


spotlight (you are the one)

by jinyoungies



Category: GOT7, JJ Project
Genre: Angst, Denial of Feelings, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, I don't know how to tag this, Love Letters, M/M, Mentions of Anxiety, jinyoung's confused about his feelings, just a lot of confusion and denial, kinda gets soft, no smut here, so enjoy!, this was almost heartbreaking to write
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-17
Updated: 2019-05-17
Packaged: 2020-03-07 02:40:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18864064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jinyoungies/pseuds/jinyoungies
Summary: jinyoung just wants to fall in love.





	spotlight (you are the one)

**Author's Note:**

> notes: title from '못하겠어 can’t' by got7.  
> i wrote this in under two hours because i was’t feeling too well so, here’s the outcome. i barely proof read this so as always please let me know if you spot any mistakes <3

_loving wasn’t easy. especially not when you were park jinyoung._

_love_ , by a dictionary definition, is an intense feeling of deep affection towards another person. love is present at all times, no matter how many long hours of waiting and longing pass us by. love is everywhere, not just to jinyoung but to everyone in the world. people nowadays live up to a stereotype that in order to feel complete and accomplished in life, you need to love those around you. many live by the will to fall in love, and make that love last forever and ever in almost every aspect for your life. jinyoung despite being young he definitely wasn't dumb, and definitely not dumb enough to not be able to make a blunt realisation that clearly, love and falling in love wasn't his thing. and if you were to ask yourself, and if jinyoung was to ask himself in particular, was that really the hidden trick? was it the key to happiness that jinyoung figured he was missing all this time? was not quite finding love in the right people, in the right places, really what prevented him from finding real happiness that managed to stay by his side?

jinyoung never saw himself opening up to anyone outside of his comfort zone. now to state the obvious, jinyoung never particularly saw himself in that position. the stereotypical meeting someone and dating them, breaking up, finding someone else, dating them for years, then the proposal, marriage even, all in the process of falling in love with the one you married- having children, a house or even a dog, or a cat, as jinyoung would prefer, creating a family and the only thought in your head being _“i’m so happy i’m here”_ or a classy _“i’m so in love with you”_   as you stare at your partner with heart eyes. jinyoung wasn’t about that, not even at all, as he himself thought. he could barely see himself getting to the first stage of dating, because if dating meant commitment; or if anything meant commitment for that matter, jinyoung was already out. as many would say, you need to love yourself in order to love others. so maybe that’s what got jinyoung so out of the game whenever it was mentioned.

 

_lim jaebeom was most cerainly a difficult topic for park jinyoung._

he couldn’t figure out why, it’s never really been like this until a few months ago and jinyoung was still left unsure and confused, often feeling like he could drown deep down in the pool of mixed emotions. they had been friends for almost 7 years now, they trusted each other with absolutely everything, jaebeom knew jinyoung far more than he knew himself; he could see right through him when things were not going so well, and was so extremely happy when things were in fact going well. at this point jinyoung couldn’t quite tell if this was good or bad, but he quickly got used to it and didn’t question a thing. he grew quite safe and sound with it, comfortable enough in its way until, well, to say the least; that one night in the dorm, jinyoung drunk on the thoughts that were hitting his head, almost knocking him unconscious. jinyoung was alone, which wasn’t entirely a bad thing according to him; he loved being alone and working alone always meant he would get more stuff done. but now that he came to think about it, being alone always lead him into thinking far more than he should have. those thoughts leading to multiple different topics, multiple different people. but what seemed to be a certain reoccurrence was totally lim jaebeom.

 

_loving wasn’t easy, not in the slightest. especially not when you were park jinyoung and you were in love with your best friend._

he didn't know how it happened; he didn't want it nor did he ask for it in the first place. he tried to deny the fact all he wanted was jaebeom to himself at all times, in all ways to be mentioned and those that should probably remain stained into jinyoung's head. he tried, believe me, he really did, he tried with his all. jinyoung had never been in love before, and everyone around him made it look so easy he almost felt like he wanted all of that too. _if only it was that easy,_ he thought as he stared blankly into he ceiling hoping for his head to drift away from whatever he was currently daydreaming about. he really didn't think this would ever happen. jaebeom's been in relationships before, jinyoung's seen him at his best and his worst: but until then, he never even thought of being the one by jaebeom's side, and he would have gagged at the thought of wanting anything more than being friends with him until now. gosh, he didn't even know how it started, or _what_ started it to be exact. he tried justifying himself- he told himself he might just be going through a rough patch in life and he really, _really_ gave his all into persuading the original idea of simply being best friends as he should, and as they both should. he could only guess it was the wishful thinking at night every few days, and constant waking up during the night just to fall back asleep while daydreaming of jaebeom's soft cheeks and fluffy hair. the nighttime thinking surely didn't do him so good.

 

_lim jaebeom, you have it all so well._

they were friends, one hundred percent, neither of the sides doubted that. jaebeom mentioned to him that he even used to borderline crush on him back when they debuted as jj project in 2012, but said it passed a few months later. jinyoung didn’t think much of it and he kind of laughed it off at first, but when you’re alone in your room and the clock almost hits two am, i guess the outcome of it is almost expected. jinyoung was sensitive, at times way too oversensitive to things that weren’t worth worrying about yet he still worried about them anyway. it's the type of person he was, he got nervous about things that were beyond his control and tried to deny something so human-like, the feeling of love that everyone with a living and working heart feels. but what was wrong with feeling a little love sometimes? jinyoung couldn't figure out, but he didn't want to feel it at all. he didn't want to depend on the other person, but why couldn't he just understand that it's not what it was about? why couldn't he just simply accept it?

 

_how did you get just everything you wanted, jaebeom?_

_"open it later, okay? it’s important you read it when you’re alone and not look like you're about to have a mental breakdown,”_ \- jaebeom said, with a voice serious yet comforting enough for jinyoung’s sorrowing pain to disappear for a while. see? this is exactly what he was getting at and just about what he meant. anything jaebeom did seemed to be enough for jinyoung to _want_ to put himself out there and _want_ to actually do something with his life because _jaebeom_ was definitely like a source of _motivation_ for him, if not in one way then definitely in another. jaebeom passed jinyoung an envelope which was so carefully wrapped it almost seemed scarier enough that jinyoung's biggest fears. after jaebeom had caught him crying alone by the place they both always used to meet up and have bonfires as dumb, stupid teenagers with their friends, aka by the sea only a few meters away from the place they settled at together, and all jinyoung could mumble out was " _don't worry, i'll be okay"_ jaebeom finally decided it was time. but what exactly was it time for? jinyoung wasn't sure anymore.

 

-

  
the scent of the salty water that travelled thoroughly through air, making jinyoung realise that in such a short time all the scents that filled up the air had already began to feel so familiar. each step he took, meant he was closer to the edge of the water. he stood, watching the waves collide together, seeing the outcome flash into the sand that covered his feet. the boy looked around, and felt as though someone's arms were wrapped around him like a blanket that keeps him safe at all costs. the sand, falling through the cracks until the release of relaxation and endearment smoothed down its edges, fell down as jinyoung looked up to realise where he actually was. he had been walking, stumbling upon crossed paths and roads almost impossible to count, but he never expected to find himself at sea. looking back at the path drawn on the sand by his feet that he could only dream of crossing beforehand, was now something jinyoung could turn around to look back on in the moment. he was there, the place that he never thought he'd reach, with a voice beside him that he never thought he'd hear. jinyoung crossed the path and as his unsettled mind kept wandering off to this voice; yet until he found it and acknowledged it, he could never quite figure out what it was or who it belonged to. once he reached over and crossed the path to find himself at sea, he realised that the voice he had been hearing, the one that kept him here and helped him push through all of his everyday struggles; belonged, in fact, to-

the disbelief park jinyoung had previously found in himself was now placed in front of him, as he heard the same voice a little closer, feeling like it’s almost too close for him not to turn around and check for who was there. he thought he was dreaming, last time jinyoung checked he was watching the waves crash and spin completely alone, because he could guarantee that if anyone was there he would have turned back the second he got there, and now the same voice he heard so many times was… beside him? surely this must have been a dream, what did all of this even mean? everything seemed like a blur; and a little too good to be true. jinyoung immediately reaches out for the envelope before any possible doubts hit him again, which seemed to be a reoccurring inconvenience for him whenever he found himself in any slightly uncomfortable situation. the note itself was rather messy, nothing fancy but just a folded piece of paper jinyoung kept in the neat envelope which definitely made up for jaebeom's messy handwriting. as jaebeom commanded, he was now calm enough to read it in peace. i guess the waves surrounding him helped a lot too, because jinyoung was found so incredibly at peace when he sat down and folded the envelope open.

 

_**jinyoung,** _

  
_**when you come to the edge of all you know, you must believe that you will grow your wings to fly. with the love you give for me to use and share with others, i believe i myself, can do that too. so now, here is my promise; i will grow wings so big until they can grow no more, and i will fly until i cannot reach for higher, and until i finally fly to you, and eventually fly with you too.** _

_**\- jaebeom** _

 

after years of running, away from not just his own but also other people's problems and struggles: and after years of telling himself that this just isn't for him at all; park jinyoung wasn't so scared to admit he was loved. and yet although love was never something jinyoung wanted, nor was it anything he had expected to get from anyone at all, especially someone like jaebeom, someone he could only dream of having before right now. i guess when they said love is usually found where you least expect it; this is what they meant. jnyoung would have never expected to get anything back from jaebeom, and not that he wanted anything at all as he soon enough realised that his presence alone was just right, and just enough to keep his safe place locked in. at the end of the day, jaebeom is... well, him, and jinyoung was, according to him, just _him_. he never thought it would happen but, perhaps he found his safe place after all? his  _home_? the one he's been missing for so long, the one he never thought he'd find and yet park jinyoung's home was left wherever lim jaebeom's arms were, never quite feeling the way he did now. jinyoung stood there in misbelief when he realised that the truth is: no matter _who_ , no matter _what_ , no matter _how_ and no matter _why_ ; _he found his safety in the sound of jaebeom's voice,_ and now, _in the presence of him too._

 

but maybe that’s all it took. acknowledging something you thought you couldn't have, then eventually getting it, and learning to accept it as a part of you, knowing that it's all _perfectly okay_ and that you are doing _just fine_ with those feelings around you. maybe, just maybe, it wasn't so bad after all?

somehow, jinyoung felt jaebeom's hand reach out to his as the words fell out of his mouth, a smile falling back as jinyoung looked around in disbelief, too afraid to meet the older’s eyes. _“fly with me”_ , jaebeom said, as jinyoung felt the waves hit the sand once more.

 

_stunned._

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading ♡


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